leap year

february 29, 2012.


it's technically the last day of summer in a city I used to live, which could go up to 42 degrees when I was still there. it means yellow-ish autumn, always a favourite will officially begin tomorrow.

and happy happy birthday to those celebrating birthdays today. go and have big celebration, or else you have to wait for four more years to do so!

reality hits

‘In every mistake, there is a potential for growth’.

I’m in the phase of not knowing what it is right to do. have you been there too? for now, I’m not sure if asking too much is accepted (as it shows you’re trying to learn) or will it just make people easily piss off with you? or is becoming quiet and remain low profile is what I better do? what if they assume that you’re arrogant then? also is it okay to try something new or should I just follow the environment without much questions?  so many questions huh? 

this is the dilemma of a newbie. as you know, the process of adapting isn't easy. been there, done that is not practical here. since the whole thing is new and it’s the first time to do almost everything, there is no room to get away from feeling nervous. every single thing you do, people watch and judge. the way you get dressed, the way you talk, the way you do things, not even one they’ll missed. challenges are too many. consequence, I question each move I make, trying not to do what I shouldn’t be doing. 

later only I remember, only by making mistakes, we'll learn. I've learnt that no short cut is available to overcome this, so enjoy the time being treated as if you’re doing the wrong things all the time. haha that’s very normal. in fact, everyone has been in the same shoes before and they survive. 

soon, time will show what is right or wrong. experience is indeed the best teacher. hang in there, and keep positive. ohhh, how I wish the worries inside are not written on my face. 

it ends today

it’s raining outside. I always love rain. I love the smell it brings. I love the sound it makes. I love the peace it takes me to. indescribable. but for the first time, I have worry inside me when it’s pouring. I came back from school to notice roof is leaking. we have pails here and there so it won’t flood inside the house. and let’s hope, it’ll not getting worse any time soon.

sometimes, circumstances change what we once like.

never too late

it was my first time working on sunday. it feels different to wake up in the morning, knowing it’s sunday yet you have to get ready to school. 


I’m still affected with what happened during assembly this morning. a teacher called students who were absent last week and had them in a line on the stage and slapped each of them without mercy. I have been schooling for 11 years in schools and 6 years in university, there was not a time my teachers did that to kids. whatever the reasons are for him/her disappearing from school, punishing him/her in front of others during assembly is very shameful. what more, to slap them in their faces. can't you think of any other actions? or is this the best way you can come out with to handle the situation? 


dear teachers, every time you want to do so, please stop and think. will you do it if he/she is your son/daughter? 

day off

happy people made happy me.

so we met again after a week. while waiting for the guys went for solat jumaat, we shopped at the mydin mall, kuala terengganu. it's so big but was super packed with people I thought tomorrow was hari raya. had lunch and updated stories about schools at mcd for almost two hours. later changed the venue to batu burok beach to continue gosipping.

so lucky to have such good bunch of friends. thank you people  :)
  

weekend begins

week one ends. *tough*. I choose to drive all the way to the girls' quarters for weekend sleepover. probably might escape to north if they weren't here. yes, I need family and friends right now :(

situations

1. school starts at 7.45am and ends at 1.15pm.

2. there are two staff rooms available; one for female and male.

3. two teachers have to share one table and with all files, teaching materials, students’ books etc, only a small space left for writing purposes. 

      4. all teachers and staffs talk in local slang. 

      5. found out majority year 5 students in the first class still have very limited vocabulary. when I went for a relief, there was one student struggled with the words since, although and because.

      6. they happily copied the questions given and left the answers blank. didn’t give an attempt to answer.

      7. also dictionary skill is too weak.

      8. when I ask questions, the only answers received were yes or no.  

      9. did spelling with year 2. to spell blackboard is just too difficult for the kids.

     10. they still use blackboards in classes.  

to You

to You the Greatest, I pray,
let me hold to you only,
through thick and thin,
to face every single day with less worry.
my nawaitu is only one,
to teach,
to educate,
without limit.
when difficulties approach,
I humbly ask,
don't let it wash away passion
and make me lose faith.

You're the only One knows what hides inside my heart,
and only to You, I beg for help.



yours truly.
11.15am, staff room SKKB.

real

kerana menulis itu selalu menenangkan.

today was the day I embark my journey in teaching profession knowing nothing about what to come in future. sek keb bukit buloh, bandar pemaisuri, setiu is the school I'm posted to for the very first placement of being a teacher. it isn't easy to fight with feelings because this place is somewhere I couldn't even imagine to stay permanently. it isn't so bad, I'm only 5 minutes away from a small town but with family and relatives are all away and I'm here alone to make sure everything is fine, that doesn't sound exciting at all. whatever it is, I'll try to keep head high and give my best. 

I owe mum, ayah, little one and paklang big thank you for your favour sending me here. without your effort, I wont be here. thank you so much for always be there, waiting, supporting when I need you the most. forgive me if I'm done things that hurt you. and always send me your du'a to let me go through this easily.

kadang kadang tak sekuat yang disangka. semoga langkah ini sentiasa dalam redha-Nya. amin.

18022012

what happened on 18th of february?


# it was the day mum made a caramel choc cake because she knows I love it.
# it was my last day at home after three months of holidays.
# it was my first trip to kelantan & terengganu after 23 years of living.
# it was the longest journey I experienced on hilly zig zag roads.
# it was the day I have to become an adult, to travel for work.
# it was the day I love my parents more than anything in the world, because of them and (His will), I'm here on earth.
# also it was my birthday.

.....so

the riddle has been solved and terengganu it is.

:)  

positive sign vs false hope

I have reason for not writing about the placement issue. I can’t bear with myself keeping up with the long process of endless waiting. patience level is getting thinner every second you know. the fact that I want to be in front of this smart box and refresh the website every minute is too tiring to handle. I definitely don’t want to torture myself that way. so what I choose is not to pay attention for now. I’ll get to that when time asks me to do so later.

the secondary people have received their placement last week. majority are sent to the most southern state of Malaysia, yes, the well known state for heavy workload johor, some to sabah and Sarawak, few in kelantan, melaka, selangor, perak, kedah, pahang, negeri sembilan and so far only two lucky ones in perlis.

don’t waste your time worrying. go and spend quality time with loved ones when you still can.  

sunset beside the sea

the perlis-ian girls spent an evening together today. had a cake to celebrate a belated, becoming birthday and happy posting to all teachers to be. there wasn't much done, all we had besides stuffing our stomach with food was talked, talked and talked. exactly what girls are always good at. 

by the way, I had this saved in draft. just another random quote I feel like sharing. 

‘There is no special ingredient to make something to be special. you just have to believe it's special.'- Kungfu Panda 1 : Legend of Awesomeness.

bountiful blessings

two small boys aged eleven and eight came to our house one evening selling cendol. it was blazing hot and they both without any shield holding a big plastic bag each walking together from a house to another to sell the cendol. mum couldn’t help to pity them and bought a bag for us.


when the big brother took the money I gave, mum noticed the bag he had was badly torn. it made me realize how I should be so thankful for the life He lends me. compared to them, I didn’t have to face such hard time in my young age. I didn’t have to knock people’s door to sell things to earn money. I didn’t have to stay under the sun working hard to live.


before letting them go, mum decided to give each of them new bags to replace theirs. hopefully our small deed may brighten their days. 


be grateful, people. 

kenyang perut suka hati

food therapy: eat well, feel better. 

just the way you are

'Every person from your past lives as a shadow in your mind. good or bad, they all helped you write the story of your life, and shaped the person you are today.' – Doe Zantamata

I found these and went emotional for a while. those thoughtful handwritings from high school peeps.


one more thing, someone said, as long as cucur udang exists on this world, I'll always remember you. haha. cheesy. 

running away is not an option

kalau dulu, tidur itu penawar. sekarang, I choose to take the car and drive without destination. being alone on road gives me time to rationalize what happens. in situation which I don’t have any right to talk, all I need is you try to listen and understand. berdiam diri mungkin cara terbaik untuk mengelakkan yang keruh berpanjangan, tapi kalau sudah acap kali hasilnya tidak ke mana yang melihat pun penat. it hurts in case you don’t know.

mungkin lebih baik duduk dan refleks. cubalah. kadang kadang pandangan orang lain itu ada bernasnya.

p/s: I’m sorry if you don’t understand. I really need a place to let this out. 

it was 3

three years ago I hop on a plane leaving Malaysia to a different continent. I was only twenty when I decided I could be strong with family was away. I didn’t cry much I knew that was what I always wanted in life. on the first night, I remembered meeting a cheerful lady who seemed to be excited with our arrival. today I still miss her positive vibe and special aura whenever she’s around. I made friends with helpful seniors who came to give a hand.

I love the school, I love the people, I love the environment. I found a great person who gave a significant impact in my life. I remembered the first thing she said to me when we were supposed to name her one thing about ourselves. without much thinking, I let her know that I love blue. and she said, I was lucky because over there the sky is always blue. She makes me learnt about many things. She is more than a lecturer or co-ordinator. I hope you’re doing well over there Jo, I miss you heaps.

I build friendship. we spend time together, eat together, play together, travel together. it was hard to say goodbye to each of them. I found girlfriends who brought me to gold coast for my twentieth birthday as I wished. I went jogging with a friendly friend in the morning. I found a friend who was willingly to do anything for me. I met no friends but a big family.  and today, I still miss each one of them.

too many things happened. too many things too I miss right now.

new space

one of the things i promised to do when February comes was to write every day. look at the previous post, the date stated was not even yesterday or last two days. failed. janji memang manis. tapi masa nak kotakan janji itu selalu pahit.

the reason behind it is we finally moved into a new place. it took away time and strength to move out and got everything back at the position in new place. this new one is slightly smaller, meaning less space so we have to squeeze our so many things in order to fit in well. thankfully everything is fine after few adjustments. 

so far, im coping with small kitchen we have at the back, less space in dining hall, and messy room I have at the moment.  I still have boxes everywhere in my room waiting to be stacked high soon. having said that, I still find it trouble adjusting; getting the switches wrong is very normal at this stage.

it’s our seventh time of moving, yet we have so many things to chuck out and throw away. where did all these things come from? haih we decided to give away the stuffs like shirts, pants and baju kurung to people needed. old books and newspapers were sold for recycling. at least we didn’t waste them just like that.

the bright side about moving is the treasure found. a big bag of colour pencils and stationaries make me a happy teacher to be. coins, old cloth I need for my project, bags, books  I didn’t even know we actually have that much. I also had teary eyes looking at old pictures when we were kids when I found a box full of albums. How time flies.

this probably is not the end. in a week time, I may have to move again. this time, alone.

go green

our little green garden.
one way to live healthily.